Defining my Romantic Rights

SO I know I shouldn’t be like this but I am - and I need to vent.

I left for Calgary for work again - this time two months long most likely. We spent two weeks straight together which was amazing and I absolutely loved it. He helped me a lot in getting ready to leave and really was someone I could and can rely on.

Here is the problem: I am the type of person who constantly tells someone and shows someone that I love them. For example - I gave him a card the night before I left that told him how much he meant to me. He loved it.

I miss him terribly and want to talk to him all the time - he doesn’t seem to care either way.

I toldhim tonight that I require that he be a little bit more affectionate especially since I am so far away. It’s not like I can see him and feel his love - sometimes a girl needs affirmation.

He told me I want redundant affirmation since I already know how much he cares - but deep down I don’t.

I don’t know if it’s because everytime I put my heart into something and believe that the person cares - they let me down.

I don’t think I truly believe he gives a shit.

Stressing out about my work trip. This could be a two month stint or a 5 month run. I am feeling extremely emotional and super bitchy lately. Nitpicking everything. I’m growing farther and farther away from him - I don’t know why. We haven’t had sex in a week. I don’t get it. I somewhat think its me and the fact that I don’t want to get too close before I leave as I feel it’s imminent that we will break up. But lately I have been in the mood and he’s the one pushing me away. Normally I wouldnt care about a boyfriend masturbating. But when we’re not having sex - it kind of bugs me. He told me he gets off before coming to my house. Why the fuck would someone do that? Wouldn’t you want to get to your girlfriends so you can have her get you off?

I feel so inadequate with him. Problem is : I don’t think he feels that way and it’s all in my head.

I have doomed this relationship. Fuck.